


Not an Ending, After All

by keylimepie



Series: Sabriwena [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Multi, Post-Season/Series 13 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 02:19:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16441145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keylimepie/pseuds/keylimepie
Summary: Sam comes back from the Apocalypse World rescue mission devastated about the loss of his beloved Gabriel. He turns to Rowena to share the grief, but that's not exactly what she has in mind.





	Not an Ending, After All

**Author's Note:**

> I had written this for the September 2018 Gabriel Monthly Challenge, but with one thing and another, never did finish editing and posting. Oh well, here it is now. The prompt was “Are you going to come in, or just be creepy in my doorway?”

It was utter chaos in the bunker in the moments after the last of them came through the rift and it had closed. Though the sprawling old building was built to house dozens of people in times of supernatural crisis, it felt wrong and almost frightening to have so many people, so many strangers, in their usually quiet refuge. 

Sam knew that he should spring into action and help, as Dean and Mary had done. He should be showing people where the bathrooms were, finding linens for the bedrooms, organizing the supply run. And eventually he would, he would do whatever tasks fell to him. Once again, there were people who needed him to take care of them. But before any of that, while everyone was still milling around in confusion, he went to Rowena and touched her arm gently. 

She must know. She’d watched every person who’d come back through; she’d have to know that he hadn’t come back with them. Sam didn’t need to say anything. He just needed to share this moment of grief ripping through him with the only other person who might understand. Sam clutched both her arms, afraid that he would fall over if she didn’t hold him up. The room seemed to darken and his face tingled and there was a ringing in his ears, and the bunker seemed so far away. Rowena’s face crumpled in concern as she watched him. 

“Easy, Samuel. You’re in the midst of a panic attack, and no wonder. Come, let me help you out of this crowd.” She slid an arm around his waist and held his hand firmly with her other hand, and she steered him toward the hallway. “Steady there, lovey. Just a wee bit further. Just-” 

“No, Ro, I- I can’t go there, not yet.” He’d noticed where she was leading him, toward the room that had briefly been Gabriel’s, still covered with his writing. His story. 

“Just trust me, Samuel. Please,” she said. Her voice was gentle and kind, but commanding at the same time. How did she do that? Sam was tired and numb and he supposed nothing mattered much anyway. He let her stop him in front of the door and open it. 

He still didn’t want to go in. The onslaught of memories was almost a physical pain. Gabriel crouched on that bed, injured and traumatized. Hiding in the corner, terrified after Sam had stupidly let Cas convince him to try forcing the grace on the poor guy. Sam felt a wave of guilt over that. He knew it was wrong but he didn’t speak up and try to talk Cas out of it. Just like when Dean cuffed him at the motel; Sam had hated that too but he’d done what he was told. And still Gabriel didn’t seem to hold it against him. Still he had trusted Sam. 

Sam looked around the room, trying to shake the bad memories. It was a lot more cluttered now. Gabriel had shifted a lot of the furniture from around the bunker into here, he’d collected all kinds of odds and ends and piled them on tables and bureaus. It looked a bit like a mad scientist’s lab. There was a stack of books near the bed, piled up high enough to be a table in its own right. And clothes, how had he managed to acquire so much clothing in the few weeks it had taken them to find and capture Lucifer? Gabriel had almost as much of a shopping habit as Rowena. There was a mountain of clothes on the bed, mostly gaudy shirts. Sam had never even gotten to see him in most of them. He wondered if Rowena had. 

Ro, poor Ro, how was she taking this? Sam wondered if she’d let herself feel it or if she’d bury it deep. He wondered if he’d do the same. “Rowena, I’m so sorry. I should have kept him safe!” Sam wrenched his hand free and turned away from her, bowing his head and pressing his forehead against the doorway in shame. “I should have talked him out of it, dragged him away. Why don’t I ever have the balls to speak up, I-” 

“Are you going to come in, or just be creepy in my doorway?” 

Sam gasped and turned around. From behind the mountain of clothes, Gabriel was rising from the bed. “Come in and shut the door before someone sees me, for crap’s sake.” 

“You…” Sam gasped, striding toward him on unsteady legs. Rowena quickly shut the door. Sam dropped to the floor next to the bed, his legs unable to carry him anymore, and laid his head in Gabriel’s lap and began to sob. All the emotions of the last few days, the fear and the grief and the exhaustion, came pouring out of him like a valve had been released. 

“Whoa, whoa,” Gabriel said. He petted Sam’s hair, rustling his fingers through it, marveling at the softness of it. “Chill out, kiddo. It’s okay, right? It’s all good now.” Gabriel looked at Rowena, utter bewilderment on his face. 

“Seems that Samuel didn’t know about the spell. Poor lad saw you die.” She sat on the bed next to Gabriel and stroked Sam’s cheek softly. Gabriel smoothed a hand across Sam’s shoulders and felt that shifting, tensing of muscles as Sam tucked his emotions back inside again. 

“What spell?” Sam asked. He sat up and looked at Rowena suspiciously. 

“Ahh well… I may have… popped a resurrection spell into him before you lot crossed over there,” she said cheerily, brushing a speck of lint off her blouse. 

“And neither of you thought to mention any of this to anyone? Not even to me?” 

Gabriel winced. The wounded look on Sam’s face felt like a punch to the gut. “Didn’t think you’d approve,” he said, staring at his hands. 

Sam scowled. “I don’t. I do. I don’t know. I just… Gabriel, I cannot believe that you made me mourn your death and you weren’t even dead! Again!” 

“Well you’re one to talk! You were dead and you really were dead and if Ro hadn’t screwed up with Luci you still would be-” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Rowena said, straightening up with a fiery glare at Gabriel. 

“I- I didn’t mean it like that, Sugar-” Gabriel faltered. 

“Sam was dead?” she exclaimed. “Samuel, what on earth were you doing dead?” 

“Vampires,” Sam said. “Lucifer ended up bringing me back when he caught up to us, so…” 

“He’s leaving out the part where we had to leave his body behind and spent half a day thinking he was gone for good. Feeling… feeling useless and busted because I couldn’t save him. And then, knowing that I had that protection and he… I would have done anything to change that spell from me to you, kiddo.” He reached out to touch Sam’s cheek, and Sam leaned into the touch. The stubble scratched Gabriel’s palm, and Sam’s breath was warm on his wrist. So warm, so human and alive. It was calming, just this tiny little connection. Their eyes met, gold to hazel, and he knew that Sam was feeling it too. Rowena snuggled against his side and he tucked his arm around her and rested his cheek against her hair. 

“But why do you want everyone else to think you’re dead?” Sam asked softly. He slipped his hand into Gabriel’s, lacing their fingers together. “Cas deserves to know. Jack. And Dean- even Dean misses you I think.” 

“Just let me recharge for a while before I go rejoin the merry band,” Gabriel said. “Give me a day or so, okay? It’s… it’s been a lot.” He started to tremble as he thought about his lack of grace, the lack of control he felt over every bad thing that happened, from his imprisonment to Sam’s death. No, he couldn’t face a bunch of strangers without a significant portion of his power back. Not even his own brother or nephew. 

Sam brought Gabriel’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, then pressed his other hand on it. “If that’s what you need,” he said. 

“I can throw a perception filter on that door,” Rowena offered. “Keep everyone from noticing it as they try to house the teeming masses.” 

“You and I need to get back out there though,” Sam said. “I hope we haven’t been missed already.” 

Rowena grinned. “Surely Dean will jump to certain conclusions if he notices you and I gone, eh?” She reached out her foot toward him and rubbed his knee with her toes. A blush crept across Sam’s cheeks. 

“That- that too,” Sam said. He cleared his throat. “So… we should…” He stood up, long limbs unfolding. He held a hand out to Rowena. “We should go. Gabe, do you need anything?” 

Gabriel flopped back dramatically on the bed. “Soup. Definitely soup. And tea. And a soft boiled egg in a little egg cup. Toast with no crusts and lots of strawberry jam.” He peered up at them. They were both staring at him. “No rush though, guys.” 

Rowena snorted. “Sam will bring you a tray in a bit. I’ve a biscuit in my handbag; that’ll have to hold you over.” She pulled out a small plastic-wrapped packet, a lemon madeleine from a coffee shop counter, and tossed it to him. 

“Thanks, sugar,” Gabriel said, fluffing himself into the blankets and tucking socked feet up on the laundry mountain. He studied the cookie for a moment before setting it down. 

Sam and Rowena disappeared through the door, and he could just hear the muffled sounds of Ro casting the spell on the door, then the sound of their footsteps walking away. Some time later, he heard the sounds of a party in the distance. Faint music, keyed up voices, cheering. Part of him ached to join in on the fun - after all, he loved parties! And what kind of fun could they be having without him out there? But again the anxiety reared up. Better to just stay put for now. When he was an archangel again, then he’d dazzle everyone. 

Hours still after that, and there was a gentle tap on the door before it swung open, revealing Rowena holding a tray. She was wearing red silk pajamas with matching slippers, her hair up in a ruffled cap. 

“It’s no as fancy as all that, but I brought you some food,” she said. “I know you don’t even properly need it and you were probably trying to be funny, but still.” She set the tray down on the bed next to him. A slice of pineapple pizza on a paper plate. Carrot sticks and celery in a little cup of ranch dip. A square of frosted brownie with rainbow sprinkles, the kind that came in a big sheet pan from the supermarket, now that looked good. And a can of Pepsi. Gabriel smiled at her. 

“Aww Ro, this is very sweet of you. I guess Sam foisted this chore off on you after all?” 

“Sam is out for the count, I’m afraid. I don’t think he had more than two or three drinks; I think it was exhaustion. Curled up on the floor sound asleep, as were many other of the revelers.” She smiled a fond smile, remembering tucking a pillow under Sam’s head and a blanket over him. She watched Gabriel take a huge bite of the pizza, then wash it down with a swig of the icy cola. “How are you feeling, then?” 

“Same old same old,” he said. “Honestly, it’s going to be a long recovery. I feel it coming back as a tiny trickle. Might be weeks before I’m even half-powered. And yes, the food helps. I’m weak enough that I can even taste it… fruit on pizza, what a brilliant idea! Ahh, humans.” He picked at a corner of the brownie and popped it in his mouth, making ecstatic moaning sounds. “Oh, this is so much better with human taste buds. Mmm!” He finished off the rest of the brownie with just as much gusto. When he was done he put the tray aside and turned to Rowena, taking her hands in his. 

“You sure you want to stick by a busted-down archangel through a long-ass recovery?” 

“Don’t be daft,” she said. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. And before you ask it, no, I can’t presume to answer for Samuel, but my observation would be that he’s absolutely here for you, as long as you need.” 

“Yeah, I figured that. Kid never did know when to quit on a lost cause.” 

“Which you’re not,” she replied indignantly. “And neither was Dean; you were just wrong that time, weren’t you?” She nodded at his surprised face. “Ahh yes. Sam told me all about that.” 

He sighed and laid down. “Fine. This not-entirely-lost-cause is going to get some of what the humans refer to as shut-eye, I believe. They say it is pretty restorative.” He arranged himself beneath the blankets, his legs firmly wedged under the pile of laundry. 

“Mind if I join you?” she asked, climbing under the covers without waiting for an answer. 

“Plenty of room, Roro,” he mumbled as she curled up against his side. 

“Et lux!” she said, turning out the lights. She pressed a gentle goodnight kiss to his lips, though she could feel that he was too tired to respond much. Within another few heartbeats he was asleep. 

“You’re so good, you know that, you numpty. You’re gentle and kind, and you’re fierce and bold, powers or no, and you’re all the right mixture of all that. And you’re so loved. You didn’t see how broken Sam was when he thought- and me, I knew but still- and you’ve the nerve to think we might not want to help you through this. Lord, what I wouldn’t do for you. It scares me.” Gabriel continued to snore away as she whispered the words into the darkened room. “We’ll make you see it, love. Little by little.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only way I will accept Sam and Rowena's behavior at that party.


End file.
